Jayeless

Ironically, right after I posted that last entry in which I talked about needing to post more, I lost pretty much all the posting time I had. Last Sunday night, I had to do a ton of Philosophy work. On Monday, English; Tuesday, English again. Wednesday, I had to finish my History SAC (part A), and study for Psychology. Didn’t actually end up studying for Psychology because History took so long, but I managed. Thursday night I had to sleep to compensate for the many hours of lost sleep I’d had that week, but I didn’t actually get that much sleep and spent way too much of the night tossing and turning. Friday morning reminded me of how much I can like English, and then I had to go on a crappy excursion in which I had to carry two heavy bags around for five hours straight — hurting my shoulder — and suffer through Victoria Police evidently trying to mesmerise me — that or trying to induce epileptic seizures (who gave them permission to set up their bright, rapidly-flashing lights directly in front of the escalators??).

This week I have a Philosophy SAC, an English SAC and I have to hang out at school Tuesday night because my English teacher persuaded me to help her at Open Night with some sob story about how all the other English teachers abandoned her. I also have to do just over two weeks of History work in order to be caught up with the damn course, since I am NEVER motivated to submit my History work on time and my school is happy to make excuses for me. But once I’ve done all of that, maybe I’ll have time to relax and try and stay on top of History and do my Geography assignment. Oh yeah, and my Geography teacher hates me because I’m “inconsiderate of others” and set a bad example for the class by not respecting his authority. First I heard of this was when he told MY DAD. He has since inspired me, through sheer arrogance, to do a better job of disrespecting his authority. So there!

Aside from all of that, I’m kind of miffed because tomorrow is a Monday. Sure, I have to go to school and attend double Geography and, to add insult to injury, do a Philosophy SAC, but the real reason I’m miffed is just that it reminds me of who I want to fight with but don’t because I’m not brave enough. Monday is the day of the week I’m in the same room as this person for long enough for them to taunt me. Thursday is the day of the week that I could be in the same room as them for long enough to fight back, but I never go. If I went I’d feel obliged to speak to them. Before speaking to them I’d want to prepare. I never prepare because then I’d have to speak to them. The reason speaking to them is such a horrible idea is because I know it’ll inspire more taunting, and that’s what I want to get away from! And so I fall further behind in History…

Sorry for the disjointed, slightly cryptic entry. When I can think of something better to say I’ll probably retract this one. But for now, I just felt like rambling, and since I hadn’t posted here in a while…

I was trying to work out the cause of the “bloggers’ block” I’ve been experiencing here for the past few months. It’s not a lack of time, even though I could easily use that as an excuse. It’s not a lack of material — I now have fourteen drafts I haven’t finished, and sure three of them are the same topic, but that still leaves twelve topics I could have written about but didn’t.

It’s not entirely due to a lack of motivation. Sometimes I get very motivated to write about something (see the three entries on one topic thing) but much as I try and try I can never get an entry I’m happy with. There’s always something wrong with it. When I try to correct that mistake I find another; when I try correcting them both a third one pops up that I can’t fix without restoring one of the first two. It’s like programming but worse because it’s not. I’m just writing and somehow I can’t get it right.

It’s so frustrating because I know how easily writing used to come to me. Once was a time I updated 38 times in a month. Prior to this lull I updated once every three days and even that seemed too infrequent. Now I can only update once every two weeks, and only about censorship, which is important, but not the entire focus of my blog. Or it’s not supposed to be.

I think the problem is mainly that as time has gone on, I’ve seen this blog as more and more “formal”. I am very disciplined when I write here (or I try to be), which is funny because I’m not much of a discipline kind of person. Every entry has a point, or a goal, and every paragraph is about presenting a point to support it, marching inexorably towards that goal until I’ve reached it. That “Word Count:” field at the bottom of the post box is a nightmare, because every time the number gets above 700 I feel compelled to condense the entry and excise much of what I’m trying to say. If the word count is that high, I’m not being concise enough. It can’t be that there’s simply that much to say, oh no! And if I find I can’t cut it down that much, I won’t post the entry. It’s like I have my own perfectionist demon who won’t let a single flaw slip by. It sucks.

But I only have this problem blogging here, nowhere else. On my LiveJournal, for instance, I write whatever I want whenever I feel like it and I just post it. Almost never publicly — a lot of the time even privately, so only I can read it — but I can post. Freely. I can even enjoy posting. It’s miraculous.

This isn’t a prelude to an announcement of, “I’m not blogging any more.” But I do think I need to step back and just post some damn entries, and not worry, “Will this sound misinformed?” or “Isn’t this too long?” or “Do I seem like some kind of hippie?” I need to chill out. And sure, I could have come to this realisation without bothering to post about it, but that wouldn’t be chilling out. I’m chilling out right now.

A few days ago I was reading the government’s original “Plan for Cyber-Safety”, apparently dating back to the election campaign, and all the concerning things contained within. The best place to start commenting on it, I suppose, is at the central theme of Labor’s plan. I know this is the central theme, because they repeated it in big letters inside a coloured box. At any rate, this is it:

Labor considers that, just as we teach Australian children about the risks of drink driving, we must also teach them how to be responsible cyber-citizens and about the importance of cyber-safety.

The eight-page document begins by listing all the possible negative consequences of using the internet, such as “computer addiction”, “anti-social behaviour”, “cyber bullying”, “depression”, and “physical harm”. Read More »